Essays to a Swan

Go Back

Shasa, 24th Dec 2017

What I’d give to go back to when my husband and I had just met
Or to find my parents fighting and tell them differences can be overcome
Or to teach my daughter her algebra without yelling
Or to make a cup of coffee for my father and sit and listen to him reminisce

To find myself age ten and say sweetheart, never quit on your dreams
Or the days I was so tired from toddlering I never saw they were the most unalloyedly blissful days of my life
To Remember the sunset on my honeymoon in Ooty
Or the evenings I would sneak out of the house and go buy myself chocolate

A note to all virgins to make much of time
For life goes on; not tarrying with yesterday
It’s always been about the moments that take your breath away
Such moments I find each week anew regardless of my mood or depth of despair

For it is in the deeps of time that we do discover
That it truly is the little things that make this short life tenable
A turn of phrase, a strain of tune, a glimpse of children playing
A chat with a kindred soul, a painful cry after a heavy loss

Hear thee, hear thee. For this it is promised.
That all your unquenched desires shall be wrought again
Mayhap not in this life but in the hereafter
If only you surrender yourself to the divine whilst thinking to “go back”

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